MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Local marketing manager Emily Brown informed her team Monday that a Luma event page background resembling the warp-speed effect from Star Trek: The Next Generation represents the pinnacle of modern technological achievement, sources confirmed.

“It’s like you’re flying through space! Like in the movies!” asserted Brown, who has yet to learn how to use the adaptive cruise control feature in her 2023 Honda CR-V.

“When this event gets up to 88 registrations,” she added, “you’re gonna see some serious shit.”

The subject of her maniacal attachment to Luma’s “Warp” theme arose most recently during a status meeting ahead of her employer’s largest annual event, a wine tasting planned to coincide with the Dreamforce conference in San Francisco. Colleagues cautioned that their target attendees may be growing fatigued with this visual identity and questioned whether it aligned with their brand promise to be the one stop shop for zero-trust catsitting.

According to sources, this is the 16th consecutive Luma page Brown has created using the theme. Her events in that period have ranged from private dinners that coincide with NeurIPS and CAMLIS to her own neighborhood’s block party.

Public health officials have warned that prolonged exposure to literal, on-the-nose depictions of technology can result in a chronic condition known as Tech Employee Derangement, or TED Syndrome.